Monte

The health kick continues. This is now the seventh day of intense exercise, and my body, while it may be sore, feels better than it has in years, and I owe it all to my good friend, Cindy Crawford. Good ol’, Cindy. I’ve been working out with the help of her fitness challenge DVD, an entire, one-hour workout.

I think the biggest reason for my renewed interest in exercise, aside from actually feeling better, has been the discovery of Veet. I have to thank my good friend, Chad, for introducing me to this wonderful product. I admit, I laughed at him when he first told me that he regularly uses the stuff to remove the hair from his ass, but now, after becoming a faithful Veet user myself, I owe my many apologies for having laughed at him.

Veet is simply magical. The first night I used it was on my ass. I started by smearing a generous amount of the white cream all over my rump. The instructions said to leave the product on for three to six minutes. I figured with an ass as hairy as mine, it would probably benefit me to leave it on for the maximum amount of time. After six minutes was up, I pulled out the blade-less, razor-looking comb and took the first swipe. I was amazed. The hair came off smoothly with just one pass. After about 10 minutes and a quick rinse in the shower, low and behold: a perfectly smooth, beautiful, flawless ass! And boy, what an ass it is! Who knew that beauty of this magnitude lay away hidden for years beneath a thick carpet of black fur? I have discovered what was there all along: a flawless, shapely, porn star ass. Yes, it’s true. I have the ass of a porn star.

I immediately ran back to my bedroom to grab my digital camera. Oh, yes. This was a sight to be captured and shared (with only James, of course). I locked myself up in the bathroom for a good 30 minutes snapping picture after picture of my gorgeous ass. I cannot begin to describe the excitement and titillation of this newly discovered gem, this amazing attribute which I had once hid from the world, shamed by what I thought was an undesirable, shapeless mass! Good heavens!

But then again, would you expect any less from the Ass Master?

Side note: I’m starting to fear that if I use Veet on a regular basis, the hair on my ass is going to keep coming back thicker and darker and will eventually end up looking like an old woman’s leg.