Monte

I’m beginning to feel assured that things will be okay after all. Occasionally, a memory might pop into my head—a camping trip or an anniversary dinner at one of our favorite restaurants—and for a moment I long for that companionship again.

What has surprised me the most is that James really has decided to go through with it this time. There were occasional breaks in our relationship, but I had always been so sure that he’d come to his senses and realize he was just being silly. This time around, I
expected (and hoped) that the same thing would happen, but several days have past now, and I’m positive that his mind has been made up, and there will be no frantic phone call at one in the morning to apologize.

There are times when I’m okay with this. The single life can be appealing: more time on one’s hands, and dating around can be an exciting experience (something I missed out on). But then there are other times when I’m disappointed to realize how much time and emotional effort I invested into our three-year relationship.

The thing I miss most is sitting on him in bed, staring down at him, all smiles, and giving him little kisses on his face and neck.

This afternoon on the phone, we didn’t end with our usual “I love yous.” So I decided then that this break is final.